Fast reviews for busy people! Watch as I review three movies in less time than it takes to brush your teeth. Have a look as I race against the clock to tell you about the alien thrills of “Disclosure Day,” the spoof “Stop! That! Train!” and the supernatural “The Voice Of Our Mother.”
Watch the whole thing HERE!
SYNOPSIS: In “Stop! That! Train!,” a new disaster comedy starring RuPaul and now playing in theatres, two train attendants get the jobs of a lifetime working for the luxurious Glamazonian Express just as a massive storm endangers the train, their jobs and may even their lives. “It’s a Stormaganza!”
CAST: Ginger Minj, Jujubee, Brooke Lynn Hytes, Latrice Royale, Monét X Change, Symone, RuPaul Charles, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Nicole Richie, Raven-Symoné, Michelle Visage, Chris Parnell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Charo, Natasha Leggero, Joel McHale, Missi Pyle, Jerry O’Connell, Lisa Rinna. Directed by Adam Shankman.
REVIEW: “Stop! That! Train!” is the shameless spiritual cousin to “Airplane” and other spoof movies that never met a joke it couldn’t or wouldn’t crack.
The cavalcade of jokes begins as BFFs Tess (Ginger Minj) and DeeDee (Jujubee) report for duty as attendants on the high-speed Glamazonian Express, a train so most glamorous it makes the Orient Express seem dowdy. “There ain’t no rules when you’re riding on a train,” sing the first-class train attendants in the Safety Instructions musical number. “We’re like if Amtrak was gay.”
Their first day on the job is thrown into chaos when a massive storm nicknamed a Stormaganza hits, threatening to crash the train into Los Angeles. The only route to survival is for Tess and DeeDee to team up with the condescending first-class attendants, who, with the help of President Judy Gagwell (RuPaul) just might be able to avert disaster.
One of the co-producers of “Stop! That! Train!” is the aptly named Unapologetic Projects. I say aptly named because this movie is unapologetic in its campy approach. No joke is too corny, no joke obvious, no joke is left unturned. Don’t like a joke? Hang on, there will be another one in the next five seconds.
Legendary crime writer Elmore Leronard once told me you should never use more than one “!” in every 100,000 words. The title alone of “Stop! That! Train!” uses three and director Adam Shankman pitches the performances as if there were an “!” at the end of every joke. It’s a lot, and a bit of a blunt instrument, but it’s all in good fun.
Like an episode of “Drag Race,” “Stop! That! Train!” is colorful, chaotic and escapist. It’s a whole lotta empty calories, but fans of “Drag Race” should lap up this train wreck’s the quotable moments and wild energy.
The best and thew weirdest from the world of pop culture in 2013
Top Singles (click on title to watch the official video)
1. The Stars (Are Out Tonight): David Bowie
4. Hate the Taste: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
6. Get Lucky: Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams
9. Right Action: Franz Ferdinand
10. Goons (Baby, I Need It All): Mona
Top Celebrity moments/Gossip
1. Controversial Twerking! In April no one knew what “twerking” was. Unfortunately now we all do.
2. Amanda Bynes threw a bong out the window of her 36th floor apartment. It was “just a vase,” she said.
3. After calling Bruce Willis “greedy and lazy” Sylvester Stallone charged $395 per autograph at NY Comic-Con
4. Tom Cruise said Katie Holmes filed divorced because of Scientology
6. Michael Douglas admitted he didn’t get that he got throat cancer after engaging in oral sex.
7. Kat Von D not so cleverly named her new lipstick “Celebutard.” Sephora pulled the plug amid complaints from Down Syndrome Uprising, Family Member, Inclusion BC and All About Developmental Disabilities.
8. Ke$ha says she drank her urine and, “It tasted kind of like candy.”
9. Banksy stall sells art works worth up to $30,000 for $60 each in New York’s Central Park.
10. Justin Bieber’s pet Capuchin monkey, Mally, was confiscated at a German airport after the singer tried to smuggle it into the country.
Top TV moments
1. Two words: Tentacle porn. – Anthony Bourdain’s Tokyo Parts Unknown episode.
2. Zombies falling through the ceiling of a department store in The Walking Dead
3. “I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And I was really… I was alive.” – Walt (Bryan Cranston) on the Breaking Bad finale
4. Orphan Black Clones!
5. Cooking lessons from Hannibal Lector on Hannibal.
6. The bisected cow on Under the Dome.
7. Nick and Jess’ first kiss on The New Girl. So passionate, Jess says the kiss made her see “through space and time for a minute.”
8. Orange is the New Black’s duct-tape sandals.
9. The “Red Wedding” massacre on Games Of Thrones. “My King has married and I owe my new Queen a wedding gift.” ― Lord Walder (David Bradley)
10. The car crash death of Downton Abbey’s Matthew in the final minute of the period drama’s 3rd season.
Top General Entertainment Stories
1. Lou Reed Dead at 71
2. James Gandolfini Dead at 51
3. Angelina Jolie announced double mastectomy
4. Paula Deen gets fired for using the N word
5. Kanye West declared himself the “number one rock star on the planet” in a BBC interview.
6. The last movie ever rented at a Blockbuster? This is the End.
7. Sinead O’Connor accused Miley Cyrus of “behaving like a prostitute and calling it feminism.”
8. Born! The Royal Baby, Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge.
9. Cory Monteith R.I.P.
10. Star Wars: Episode VII release date announced. The Force will return to theatres on December 18, 2015.
Top Online Moments
1. The prank video showing the baffled and terrified reactions of customers in a NYC coffee shop reacting to a woman with telekinesis tearing up the place.
2. Grumpy Cat vs Tommy Lee Jones meme. A side-by-side comparison of Jones at the Golden Globes and Grumpy Cat reveals that they might be long lost relatives.
3. Wisest tweet of the year: Always remember! Many of the people on the Internet telling you what’s what are not old enough to rent a car. – @KenJennings
4. M.I.A.’s Psychedelic Dance Party at the YouTube Music Awards
5. Raven-Symone came out on Twitter after the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn The Defense of Marriage Act. “I can finally get married! Yay government! So proud of you.”
6. Andrew Huang’s video of his rap song without using the letter “E” and it’s about NOT using the letter “E”!
7. Swedish Chef Ramsay meme. “Why did the bork bork? Because you borked the bork!”
8. “I want Drake to murder my vagina.” – Amanda Bynes on Twitter
9. Best web series: The Booth at the End starring Xander Berkelely as a mysterious man who grants wishes… for a price.
10. Homeless Army Veteran Turns Life Around in Amazing Time Lapse Video
