Richard joins CTV NewsChannel and anchor Jennifer Burke to have a look at new movies coming to VOD and streaming services, including Johnny Knoxville and the unnatural acts of “Jackass Forever,” the reboot of “Scream,” the unhappily ever after fairy tale “The King’s Daughter” AND the great punk rock doc “Poly Styrene: I Am a Cliché.”
Watch the whole thing HERE!
Not even Julie Andrews, the resourceful and determined Maria von Trapp can solve a problem like “The King’s Daughter,” a new fantasy-adventure flopping into theatres this week.
Shot eight years ago, this Pierce Brosnan movie has languished on the shelf waiting to see the light of day. Andrews, and her dulcet tones, came on board in 2000 as narrator in a last-ditch attempt to add some semblance of order to the slapdash story.
Set in 17th century France, the action get underway with King Louis XVI (Brosnan) concerned with his mortality. He has immortality on his mind–“My immortality secures the future of France.”—even if his adviser Pere La Chase (William Hurt) finds the idea distasteful, if not blasphemous. “The only thing God gives as immortal is your soul,” he says, “and you only have one of those to lose.”
Tossing aside any thoughts of sacrilege apothecary Dr. Labarthe (Pablo Schreiber) tells the king of a sea creature, a mermaid (Fan Bingbing) with an essence that will keep death from knocking at the door, but only if the mermaid is sacrificed during a solar eclipse.
Captain Yves (Benjamin Walker) captures the mermaid just as the King’s illegitimate daughter, Marie-Josephe (Kaya Scodelario), is brought to the palace. She’s been tucked away at a convent since she was a child, studying music, and doesn’t know her father is the King.
Marie-Josephe hears the mermaid’s siren song and is drawn to her watery prison. She’s also drawn to Captain Yves, despite her father’s wish that she marry Labarthe.
Meanwhile, the solar eclipse and possible mermaid dismemberment loom.
Not even the film’s backdrop, Versailles, the world’s most expensive movie set, can raise enough interest—visual or otherwise—for me to give “The King’s Daughter” a pass. The story has all the elements of a fun adventure but it appears that director Sean McNamara ran the entire thing through the Un-Fun-Omatic before shipping it off to theatres.
Brosnan is overshadowed by his silly wig. You can see Hurt reaching for the pay cheque and poor Fan Bingbing is rendered almost unrecognizable by the worst computer effects this side of Donkey Kong. Add to that a script heavy on lackluster fantasy clichés, light on actual French accents and loaded with unintentionally funny moments, and you’re left with a royal mess.
“The King’s Daughter” is a fairy tale, but there is no happily-ever-after here for anyone, especially the audience.
In recent years we’ve seen Liam Neeson morph from dramatic actor to action star. He’s battled everything from human traffickers and Mexican cartels to hijackers and murderous drug dealers. His latest, “The Ice Road” sees him up against his most daunting adversary yet—a long stretch of frozen ocean.
Neeson is Mike, a grizzled big rig driver who cares for his Iraq war veteran brother Gurty (Marcus Thomas). Gurty is a master mechanic but his PTSD has made it difficult for the brothers to stay employment. When a diamond mine in Northern Canada collapses, they accept a job offer from Goldenrod (Laurence Fishburne) to be part of a convoy delivering lifesaving equipment to the remote mine location.
The brothers team with Goldenrod and Tantoo (Amber Midthunder), a fearless young woman whose brother is trapped in the mine, to navigate three 65,000 pound vehicles over “ice roads,” frozen lakes, rivers and oceans to deliver life-saving equipment.
There’s more but I can’t describe the plot’s main thrust without a major spoiler. Suffice to say, there is a villain so dastardly all that’s missing is a giant moustache to twirl.
The drama in “The Ice Road” quickly melts away like ice before a fire, leaving behind a residue of clichés, long, drawn out action and fight scenes and dialogue borrowed from a hundred other, better action movies.
Director Jonathan Hensleigh, writer of the screenplays for “Jumanji,” “Armageddon” and “Die Hard with a Vengeance,” struggles to bring the popcorn thrills of his best-known work to this movie.
Even the death of one of the major players (NO SPOILERS HERE) is so abrupt and undramatic, it’s as if the actor had a doctor’s appointment and had to leave the set suddenly.
It’s too bad because there’s lots to work with. Start with Man-against-nature. Move along to a pantomime villain and throw in some of Neeson’s trademarked grimaces and growls and you could have an enjoyable b-movie but the hackneyed relationships and threadbare special effects sink the whole thing.
“The Ice Road” is a long (why did this have to be 103 minutes long?) winding road to nowhere; all build up and no pay off.
Travis Parker (Benjamin Walker), the male lead of the new Nicholas Sparks tearjerker “The Choice,” only has one deck chair outside his North Carolina
Home. “A man with only one chair outside his house,” we’re told, “wants to be alone,” but does he really? This is a King of Romance® Nicholas Sparks, the man with a romantic plan so the whole movie is basically a countdown to Travis and his beautiful new neighbour, medical student Gabby (Teresa Palmer) have movie sex and experience a trademarked Sparksian tragedy.
Travis is a good ol’ boy who’s used to getting what he wants from women without ever falling in love. A combination of good looks and Southern charm—although some might call it Southern smarm—means that he is rarely without company. His on-and-off girlfriend Monica (Alexandra Daddario) boomerangs in-and-out of his life but mostly he goes it alone… that is until Gabby moves in next door. She’s cramming for her medical boards while working at the local hospital side-by-side her fiancée Ryan (Tom Welling) and future father-in-law (Brett Rice). She calls Travis a walking cautionary tale and has no interest but he is smitten and everyone around them thinks they have great chemistry.
“Are you two..?” asks Travis’s father Dr. Shep (Tom Wilkinson).
“Hell no!” drawls Travis.
“Gross!” spits Gabby.
Their lips say no, but their eyes say yes. When will they kiss? When will they walk in the rain? When will the inevitable tragedy that strengthens their love happen?
“The Choice” is all about decisions, the little determinations you make along the way that may have long-term effects on your life. I’m here to help you decide if buying a ticket for “The Choice” will have any effect, good or bad, on you.
If you know Nicholas Sparks movies like “The Notebook,” “The Last Song” or “Dear John,” you already know what to expect. There will be “witty” repartee that, I guess, is what passes for foreplay in the Sparks universe. The story will be tinged with tragedy and the main couple will hate one another at first. Someone will offer up old timey romantic advice like, “If you see a man sleeping on the cold floor there must be a beautiful woman nearby” and at some point something vaguely supernatural will happen. It’s a formula geared to make you well up and this movie has every Sparksism in spades. In truth, however, it is about as affecting as a Canadian Tire commercial.
If you enjoy being manipulated and cry easily you make (or may not) enjoy the movie. That choice is yours.
