Watch the whole thing HERE!
Watch the whole thing HERE!
Listen to the whole thing HERE!
CAST: Adria Arjona, Dan Stevens, Eric Wareheim, Reginald VelJohnson, Michael Biehn, Alex Pereira, Drew Starkey, Rebecca Hall. Directed by Adam Wingard.
REVIEW: Laced with Kinky Sex, Drugs and Eurotrash pop, alongside homages to John Carpenter, RoboCop, Jason Voorhees and “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” “Onslaught” is a satiric government conspiracy theory flick that delivers gore but not many thrills.
Set in the near future, “Onslaught” finds retired Army sniper Celeste (Adria Arjona) living off grid in a New Mexico desert trailer park. “I like it here,” she says. “I feel safe.”
Suffering from PTSD and haunted by her violent past, she is caught off guard when her daughter Daisy’s (Blake Kennedy) baby daddy unexpectedly drops the child off for a weekend visit. Celeste wants a quiet visit with her but is troubled by nearby suspicious military activity.
Turns out, she has every reason to be suspicious. German mad scientist Dr. Hans Kammler (Dan Stevens) is using the cover of the top-secret facility to create genetically engineered super soldiers. With names like Crybaby (Tyler Hall), Cockroach (Dave Campbell) and The Butcher (Alex Pereira), they are the most lethal soldiers known to man.
“Once they begin killing,” Dr. Kammler cackles, “they will not stop. They are the human equivalent of a heat-seeking missile.”
When the super soldiers escape, chaos reigns as they go on a killing spree. “These men are conditioned to kill until they are stopped.” To keep her daughter safe Celeste dusts off her long buried special set of skills to keep her family out of harm’s way. “I’m just going to say a lot of bad words, okay?” she says apologetically to Daisy.
A collection of influences bound together with blood splatter, excentric performances and one liners, “Onslaught” comes together as a gory conspiracy-driven satire of secret government programs and militarized power.
Director Adam Wingard, working from a script by Simon Barrett, has gory good fun while highlighting the serious notion of unethical behaviour by the military and government. The blood-soaked messaging isn’t subtle, and often played for laughs, particularly by Dan Stevens, whose mad scientist with a penchant for German techno music and licking his wife’s feet, is based on SS general Hans Kammler. It’s a willfully strange performance, perfect for the movie’s old-school exploitation vibe, and the movie feels unpredictable when he’s on screen.
When he’s not on screen, however, the movie plays out pretty much how you might imagine it will. Adria Arjona is a credible action lead, and “Dancing with the Stars” and “Die Hard” actor Reginald “Wrong trailer park, mother******!” VelJohnson adds a dollop of charm as Celeste’s Vietnam veteran neighbor and comrade in arms, but the genetically altered villains are essentially just relentless Jason Voorhees types with glowing eyes and bad dispositions.
They are brutal, and a violent scene in a gas station convenience store is grim display of random violence, but overall, they aren’t as menacing as the movie needs them to be.
“Onslaught” is stylish and satirical but delivers more political subtext than actual thrills.
SYNOPSIS: In “Swiped,” a new biopic starring Lily James and now streaming on Disney+, Whitney Wolfe uses intelligence and tenacity to navigate the sexist world of the male-dominated tech industry on her way to becoming the world’s youngest self-made female billionaire.
CAST: Lily James, Dan Stevens, Myha’la, Jackson White, Ben Schnetzer, Pierson Fodé, Clea Duvall, Pedro Correa, Ian Colletti, Coral Peña. Directed by Rachel Lee Goldenberg.
REVIEW: The biopic “Swiped,” the story of tech visionary Whitney Wolfe (Lily James), who founded the online dating platform Bumble, swipes left when it comes to aspiring to being anything other than a Wikipedia page come to life on screen.
As formulaic as its subject is innovative, “Swiped” begins with Wolfe struggling to get a foot in the door of the tech industry. Before she was voted one of the “50 Women Who Are Changing the World” she as an aspiring tech guru whose big break came after a chance encounter with dating app entrepreneur Sean Rad (Ben Schnetzer).
Her input on the launch of dating app Tinder—she created the name and ignited interest for the app on college campuses—vaults her into the company’s executive suite and a relationship with company co-founder Justin Mateen (Jackson White).
When their relationship goes sideways, she leaves the company she helped make successful amid lawsuits and allegations of sexual harassment.
Leaving the misogyny of Tinder behind, she creates Bumble, a dating app that rights the wrongs of the Tinder experience and will eventually make her the world’s youngest female billionaire.
Lily James, who also produces, is fine in the lead role as an in-control woman who will not be overlooked by the men in her work life. She’s let down, however, by a paint-by-numbers script that touches on hot button topics like sexism and misogyny in the tech industry and the superficial nature of hook-up culture. Both are lobbed into the story mix but only in the most superficial of ways. What is meant to be a story of empowerment, innovation and resilience gets overshadowed by the film’s eagerness to inspire.
Lacking the drama of “The Social Network” or “Steve Jobs,” other films that have tread similar ground, “Swiped” is as standard as biopics get.
SYNOPSIS: Based on the true story of Emma Schmidt’s 1928 exorcism, “The Ritual,” a new horror film starring Al Pacino and Dan Stevens, and now playing in theatres, sees two priests battle their personal demons and the malevolent demon possessing a young woman. “We are the Lord’s army in this battle,” says Father Theophilus Riesinger (Al Pacino). “The devil will do whatever it takes to foil our plans. We must be resolute.”
CAST: Al Pacino, Dan Stevens, Ashley Greene, Abigail Cowen, Patrick Fabian, Patricia Heaton, Directed by David Midell.
REVIEW: The devil must have made them do it. There can be no other explanation for “The Ritual,” a movie so endlessly unentertaining only the Angel of the bottomless pit could be held responsible. I mean, how much evil fun can possessed teen Emma be if the worst thing she does is dish out some sick Latin burns and do some demonic hair pulling?
“The Ritual” flips the usual exorcism movie script. There are the customary tropes, the demonic barfing, the levitations and a seemingly innocent child saying terrible things in different languages, but screenwriters David Midell and Enrico Natale focus on the effect of demonic possession on those performing the rituals. The moments of doubt, the crises of faith, the physical and psychological effects suffered by the priests and nuns are front and center, although don’t add up to much. Mostly, the characters sit, shrouded in shadows, looking tortured before Midell, who also directs, quickly cuts away as though he’s embarrassed to show his characters in crisis.
“The Ritual” feels like a missed opportunity to do something different in the genre, as does the quarrel between the priests, Father Joseph Steiger (Dan Stevens) and Father Theophilus Riesinger (Al Pacino) as to whether Emma’s circumstance is psychological or demonic. What could have been an added layer of complexity, the battle between science and faith, between new-fangled ideas and ancient traditions, is instead an unexplored muddle, like so much else in this bland story of good vs. evil.
Considered one of the most thoroughly documented exorcisms in American history, the story of Schmidt not only inspired “The Ritual,” but also “The Exorcism of Anna Ecklund” and, to a lesser extent, the grandaddy of the genre, “The Exoricist.”
So, I suppose, given how documented the case is, it makes sense to shoot it in a cinéma verité (“cinema of truth”) style, but one must wonder what possessed cinematographer Adam Biddle to keep his handheld camera in almost constant motion. It is, perhaps, meant to bring some kinetic energy to a script laden with exposition, clichés, anachronistic dialogue (did anyone ask for a “safe space” in 1928?) and lame jump scares but mostly the shaky camerawork feels erratic, distracting from the performances and story.
There is a certain camp appeal in Al Pacino holler, “Attention Beelzebub!” as he summons Emma’s inner demon, but even that is not enough to earn “The Ritual” a recommend.
SYNOPSIS: In the unconventional “Cuckoo,” a bonkers new horror film now playing in theatres, “Euphoria’s” Hunter Schafer plays the rebellious 17-year-old Gretchen, a traumatized young woman living with her father Luis (Marton Csokas) and his new family in the German Alps. When her father’s business partner Herr König (“Downton Abbey’s” Dan Stevens) offers her a job on the front desk of his rural mountain resort, she jumps at the chance, despite some red flags. On site, she notices women mysteriously falling ill and when her step-sister becomes sick, Gretchen aims to discover the resort and König’s secrets.
CAST: Hunter Schafer, Jan Bluthardt, Marton Csokas, Jessica Henwick, Dan Stevens. Written and directed by Tilman Singer.
REVIEW: It’s not the end of the year yet, but I’m willing to bet the aptly named “Cuckoo” will be the strangest arthouse horror film of the year. A mix-and-match of body horror, otherworldly influences and slasher violence, it’s an unpredictable ride courtesy of director’s Tilman Singer’s unbridled imagination.
The off-kilter vibe is supported by the performances. Schafer is the guide, the most earthbound of all the characters, but even she seems engulfed by the film’s sensory overload.
Even more extreme is Stevens, who leaves “Downton Abbey” in the rear-view mirror with a performance so over-the-top it’s like a Bond villain on Adderall. His ever-changing pronunciation of Gretchen’s name is so bizarre, and so entertaining, it’s like it has been filtered through Google translate every time out.
After several mind-bending episodes, “Cuckoo” pays off in the third act as most of the story threads knit themselves up, and plot holes are filled. It will still likely polarize audiences looking for easy answers, but its sheer willingness to embrace its incomprehensibility is part of its eccentric charm.
Lots of kids like to play with their food, but the main character in “Abigail,” a new vampire film now playing in theatres, takes it to a new level.
The story begins with a plan to kidnap Abigail (Alisha Weir), the twelve-year-old ballerina daughter of a well-known underworld boss. Ringleader Lambert (Giancarlo Esposito) makes it sound simple. He directs his ragtag team, including ex-cop Frank (Dan Stevens), hacker Sammy (Kathryn Newton), medic Joey (Melissa Barrera), musclebound enforcer Peter (Kevin Durand), ex-Marine Rickles (William Catlett) and get-away driver Dean (Angus Cloud in his last completed role), to contain Abigail and babysit her for twenty-four hours until a sizable ransom is paid.
How hard can that be?
With little effort, they pick up the unassuming looking rich girl, and secret her away to a secluded mansion where she is blindfolded and tied to a bed for safe keeping.
Things take a twist, however, when it’s revealed that Abigail is a bloodsucking fiend, quick to kill and drop a witty one-liner.
“I’m sorry about what’s gonna happen to you,” she tells one of her soon-to-be victims.
Directors Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett, collectively known as Radio Silence, blow the plasma budget, filling the screen with gallons of bloody goo and arterial discharge. In its last half it is a splatter fest that provides the satisfying guts and gore horror fan expect.
But, in its own limited way, it’s also a family drama, a story of lost, lonely people, looking for approval from loved ones. That element gives the movie a nice grace note, but the focus here is popcorn thrills and chills.
As in “Ready or Not,” a Radio Silence movie from 2019, “Abigail” is largely set in a grand old gothic mansion. Trapped like rats in a labyrinth, the kidnappers flail helplessly, looking for, and finding, danger around every darkened corner.
Against that setting, Bettinelli-Olpin and Gillett stage several memorable scenes. In one, a newly-turned vampire acts as a puppet, performing an undead dance under Abigail’s telepathic control. It’s bizarre, kinda cool and diabolically funny.
The film’s beating heart, or rather, unbeating heart, is Weir, a kinetic presence who blends ballet with bloody vampiric attacks. Her shift from helpless child to two-hundred-year-old bloodsucker is the film’s coup de grâce.
“Abigail” goes on a little too long, puts a bit too much space between the gory set pieces and gives some characters the short shrift, but ultimately delivers a gory good time for genre fans.
Hot on the heels of 2023s “Godzilla Minus One,” the first ever Academy Award winner in the giant reptile’s decades long film career, comes “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire.” The Oscar winning movie focussed on drama more than destruction, but the new film is pure spectacle. A ballet of kaiju chaos for fans.
Set three years after “Godzilla vs. Kong,” the last entry in the MonsterVerse franchise, a new threat has emerged. “For most of human civilization, we believed that life could only exist on the surface of our planet,” says Kong Research Director Dr. Ilene Andrews (Rebecca Hall). “What else where we wrong about? This world has more secrets than we could possibly imagine.”
Having defeated Mechagodzilla the last time around, the Godzilla, and his atomic breath, and King Kong, the ruler of a subterranean ecosystem deep within the Earth called Hollow Earth, face a new threat.
When Andrews discovers large red hand marks on Skull Island, imprints that did not come from Kong, it becomes clear there is another giant ape with his eye set on taking over Skull Island, and beyond.
Even at 337 feet (102.7 m), and equipped with a giant axe and a mechanized power glove, Kong isn’t capable to do battle on his own.
“They don’t have to like one another,” says the “hippy dippy Ace Ventura” veterinarian Dr. Trapper (Dan Stevens) of Kong and Godzilla. “They just have to work together.”
Val Lewton and generations of horror/suspense directors who followed, kept their monsters off screen as long as possible. It was less-is-more filmmaking, that understood your brain would fill in the blanks; that what you didn’t see would be scarier than anything they could show you. It allowed the imagination to run wild, but “Godzilla x Kong” leaves nothing to the imagination. It is a bigger-is-better movie, the cinematic equivalent of a Monster Truck Rally.
It’s all about Kong, Godzilla and new characters like the 318 foot (96.8 m) tall simian Titan Skar King and an adorable-but-feisty mini-Kong named Suko, loud and proud, in action, leaving a trail of carnage behind them.
The human characters exist only to explain things, provide occasional comic relief, utter lines like, “What the bloody hell is that?” and look in awe as the Titans do battle. On the plus side, Brian Tyree Henry and Dan Stevens do look like they’re having fun.
The CGI is dodgy from time to time, the clunky story is essentially an excuse to pit Kong and Godzilla against other Titans and it doesn’t have the grace or emotion of “Godzilla Minus One,” but “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” turns it up to 11. It’s a crowd pleaser, although milage may vary depending on your level of fandom of Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em action, that comes in and goes out with a roar.
