Posts Tagged ‘Argylle’

LOOKING BACK AT 2024: THE “NAUGHTY” AND “NICE” LISTS! NOW THE NAUGHTY!

I take a look back at the year that was at the movies. From an apocalyptic musical and a haunted pool to a sinfully dull exorcism movie and mysterious masked marauders, the movies gifted us the best and worst–the naughty and nice, the champagne and lumps of coal–of what Hollywood and elsewhere has to offer.

Here is the Naughty List, a compendium of my least favorite films of the year, presented alphabetically.

“Argylle” has so many twists, not even Chubby Checker could keep up. It is an outrageous, twisty-turny idea trapped in a movie that is afraid to really cut loose.

Amy Winehouse was a singular artist, a fearless performer who made her own rules, and dug deep to create her art. So, it’s a shame her biopic “Back to Black” is such a standard cautionary tale that only skims the surface.

“Borderlands” shares the bright and bold aesthetic from the video games that inspired it but smooths down the rough edges of the game, leaving behind a PG13 rated movie that is neither fan service or anything new.

“The Crow” is back, but, unfortunately, never really takes flight. For a movie about soulmates, and with a villain who dooms souls to hell, the new film feels soulless.

“Damaged” is a feature film that feels like episodic television, right up to a cliffhanger-y ending that should come with a “To Be Continued” end credit.

For all the free-wheeling vibes the movie emits, Ethan Coen’s “Drive-Away Dolls” is a bit of a slog, even at its abbreviated 84 minute runtime.

“The End” is an audacious film, with very committed performances from the cast, but this bleak study of guilt becomes overwhelmed by pretension and wears out its welcome well before the end credits roll.

Russell Crowe’s considerable star power goes a long way to keep “The Exorcism” watchable, but the film’s lack of overall lack of drama and scares is a sin. 

“The Fabulous Four” means well but is a less than fabulous film that doesn’t deliver the goods.

The Quebec-set “French Girl” may be the only rom com to feature Mixed Martial Arts as a plot point. Other than that, it’s a standard romantic comedy, heavy on the romance but light on the comedy. 

“Here” is ambitious, but its technical aspects, like the dead-eyed digital de-aging of Tom Hanks and Robin Wright, overwhelms whatever heart is embedded in the story.

For better and for worse, “Joker: Folie à Deux” mixes romance and show tunes with law and order in what may be the bleakest jukebox musical ever. It is ambitious and bold, like All That Jazz filtered through a funhouse mirror, but it’s also frustrating.

Origin stories are tough, and unfortunately, “Madame Web” isn’t up to the task. By the time the end credits roll, you’ll wish you had the power to see into the future, like Cassandra Webb, so you’d know to skip this one.

“Megalopolis” is idiosyncratic a movie as we’re likely to see this year.

Drenched in metaphor and allegory, the dark comedy “Mother, Couch” breathes the same air as Charlie Kaufman and Ari Aster, but director Niclas Larsson allows the metaphysical aspects of the movie to overwhelm the story’s true emotion.

The idea of drowning is terrifying, especially if someone or something is pulling at your legs, or pushing your head under the surface, but in “Night Swim” you’ll find yourself playing Marco Polo in search of actual scares.

A Christmas movie with product placement for the whole family, from Hot Wheels to Bulleit Bourbon, “Red One” a formulaic action film, with generic CGI battles and Johnson in automaton mode.

In “The Strangers: Chapter One,” irector Renny Harlin squeezes whatever juice is left out of The Strangers IP, building a bit of tension here and there, but the film’s slow pace, repetitive action and decidedly non-gruesome violence sucks away the menace of the premise.

ARGYLLE: 2 ½ STARS. “so many twists, not even Chubby Checker could keep up.”

English director Matthew Vaughn is best known for making high concept, high octane action movies like “Kick-Ass” and the “Kingsman” series. His new PG-13 rated spy spoof, “Argylle,” now playing in theatres, features his trademarked busy, stylistic action but feels like a toned-down—i.e. less violent, and less provocative—version of his previous work.

The chaotic story begins with Bryce Dallas Howard as bestselling but reclusive author Elly Conway. Her life is as sedate as the spy novels she writes are exciting. By day, she sends her main character, globe-trotting super-spy Argylle (Henry Cavill) and sidekicks Wyatt (John Cena) and Kiera (Ariana DeBose), off on adventures to do battle with femme fatale LaGrange (Dua Lipa) in hopes of taking down a global spy syndicate called the Directorate. After work,  she spends quiet time at home with a “hot date,” her beloved cat Alfie (best spy movie cat since Blofeld’s Solomon) by her side.

That quiet life is upended when she meets a real-deal Argylle type, Aidan (Sam Rockwell), an actual spy sent to keep her safe.

“What you write in your new book actually happened,” he says, “and you kicked a hornet’s nest you didn’t even know existed.”

Turns out there is a real Agent Argylle, some very bad people who are after her and Ritter (Bryan Cranston), an unhinged spy master who thinks her books are too close to reality for comfort.

Drawn into real-world espionage, she, Aiden and the cat are thrust into a world wilder, and certainly more dangerous, than anything in any of her books.

“If you want your life back,” says Aidan, “I can give it to you. I’m the good guy here.”

A mix-and-match of “Mission Impossible,” the James Bond franchise and buddy comedies, “Argylle” is a jumbled, confusing bit of semi-fun. Cartoonish and convoluted, the movie is stuffed with over-the-top spy action, a stacked a-listy cast and a wise-cracking, scene-stealing performance from Rockwell, but never quite comes together. Loose ends strangle the story’s forward motion, Vaughn occasionally falls into the movie’s deep plot holes, and there are so many twists, not even Chubby Checker could keep up.

It isn’t until the films last half hour, of an over-long 139-minute running time, that Vaughn stages two eye-popping action sequences. A “deadly” dance number and an untraditional figure skating routine are fun, and have the kind of over-the-top energy you expect from Vaughn. Both sequences entertain the eye, but also highlight what the rest of the movie so desperately lacks.

Rockwell’s live-wire performance provides most of the film’s laughs, but they are few and far between. As for the rest of the cast, most are underused. And you have to wonder why some of them—including Samuel L. Jackson and Richard E. Grant—even bothered to show up.

“Argylle” is errs on the side of PG-13. It is an outrageous, twisty-turny idea trapped in a movie that is afraid to really cut loose.