FINAL DESTINATION 5: 4 STARS FROM THE JUDGE FROM SPLATTERVILLE / 2 STARS FROM ME
The popularity of the splatter movies that gave birth to several late 90s/early naughts movie franchises seems to be on the wane. “Saw’s” blades have been dulled and “Hostel,” once the beastly spokesmnodel for torture-porn, is becoming an amusement park ride (seriously). Only “Final Destination” continues unabated. Despite the prominence of the word “final” in the title we’re now on number five with no end in sight.
Here’s the story, or as it is known in the “FD” world, the dull stuff that happens between the gory stuff: Someone has a premonition that all his/her good looking friends die in the most terrible way imaginable. When the vision comes true—usually preceded by the tell tale line, “Something’s wrong!”—whoever survives ends up dying anyway, in increasingly complicated ways. In “#5” a gymnast earns a 9.5 from the Splatterville judge and if you’re thinking of getting laser eye surgery any time soon… well, go see “30 Minutes of Less” instead.
What “Final Destination 5” lacks in story it makes up for in gore and cheesy special effects. It’s not enough to kill these kids, the “Final Destination” folks find it necessary to crush, spindle and mutilate them usually not just once, but twice. It’s the kind of movie which makes audiences shout, “No, you didn’t!” and “Awwwwwwwwwwwww! I can never un-see that!” usually while laughing and having a pretty good gruesome time.
If you’ve seen and enjoyed previous “Final Destination” movies then this chronicle of carnage may be for you. If you’ve never seen any of the films in the series, however, you may want to keep it that way.
Comments are closed.
