ONE MISSED CALL
In recent years Hollywood remakes of Japanese horror movies (or J-horror as they’re known by hipsters on the internet) have given us videotapes which cause the death of anyone who watches them, websites that kill and now, in a new film that is bound to turn viewers into technophobes, afraid for their safety every time the phone rings, a movie in which people start receiving voice-mails from their future selves, messages which include the date, time, and details of their deaths. And you thought telemarketers were annoying.
In this remake of the 2003 Japanese horror film Chakushin Ari Shannyn Sossamon plays Beth, a young woman traumatized by the grisly deaths of two friends; fatalities foretold by strange cell phone messages. When she tells the police that there may be a link between the calls and the untimely passing of her friends she is dismissed as a nut by everyone except Detective Jack Andrews (Edward Burns) whose sister had passed under similar circumstances. Together they try and get to the bottom of the mystery of the ominous calls. All goes well until the day Beth’s phone rings with a strange new ring tone…
You know it’s the January slump when a movie as awful as One Missed Call gets a wide release. This is, at best, a direct to video movie; one that mistakes loud noises and frenetic editing for suspense and scares. When the most terrifying thing about a movie is an asthma inhaler you know you’re in trouble. Hang up on this one.